Clinging to Condemnation

I'm sorry I am not everything you'd thought I would be. It seems like, when I have tried to do anything within my capabilities to make you proud, all I did was fail. I have probably failed myself more than I did you! I hope that when you do think of me that there is at least one positive thing you remember. I have tried to go back and find the point in my life when things completely changed, when you decided I was no longer worth your time or effort.
The reality of my past and the awful things I did, continue to haunt me and label me as the horrible person I was. I live with those consequences daily. The reminder seats itself consistently in front of my face. Although, I can not recall ever asking it to remain in my present or find a place in my future. The truth is, I'm not the one who is picking it up and putting it before me like a ritual offering, everyday. Those I've trusted, loved and cared for find amusement in my wrong doings. Like the rest of the world, the negative seems better than the positive change.
Do you see it? The changes, the good? Or are you as equally blind as the others to your own sins that you find comfort in my transgressions? We are our own worst enemy and critic. Therefore, I don't need your fingers pointing and reminding me of my imperfections.
It breaks my heart to know that when each day ends, you go to bed holding on to something I've so desperately tried to let go. We are beyond repair at this point. I smile when I see you. I close my ears when I hear the whispers. But I walk with my eyes wide open so that I can see the distorted world you live in because of me.
Forgiveness is easy, yet you choose to cling to my condemnation. I ask no favors of you. You owe me nothing. In the end, MY favor, MY morals, MY past and MY sins will be questioned, but not by you and they will only be answered by me.
Sometimes the reflection in the mirror is a truth we don't want to see!