"Never enough time" was always my excuse and then he was gone too soon.
Miss you shipmate.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Never enough time and too soon
Every time I hear any Metallica song I am reminded of him. Luis was the one person who could look at my smiling face and know that something was wrong. He knew the real smile from the fake. When my whole world was falling apart, his heart knew, even miles away. It was like he was part of me, part of my soul. Every now and then I feel him, a touch on my shoulder, a gentle hand wiping away my tears, holding my heart to keep it from falling to pieces, keeps me from falling to pieces. He was my stabilizer, my rock, my foundation. And all those things he was to me, I couldn't be for him. Why? I was young and stupid. I begged God to bring him back, I cried to Him to please bring back my Angel. But it was too late. They kept telling me I would forget about him over time and my heart would heal, things would get easier. Liars. It still hurts. I am strong because of him. I love because of him. And he's gone. The reality of that never goes away. My heart loves him, that will never change no matter who is in my life. I hold my memories of him. He was a casualty for what he loved, his country.
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The truth is......
ReplyDelete1. It doesn't get better
2. It doesn't get any easier
3. Time does NOT heal all things
4. It's NOT just a part of God's plan
5. Things DON'T always happen for a reason
Loss is a bitch. But, it is one that unites us all in that we ALL have to bear it. Every single person who has ever existed.
On a positive note, each time I'm affected by loss....life demonstrated for me the power of memories. Sometimes, my mind will flash back and I will laugh out loud recalling something that happened years, even decades ago. And for that split second, I am right back there in the moment. I treasure those times. I have begun thinking that memories are our greatest coping mechanisms against loss. Quite possibly, they are the only thing that keeps us from going insane.
You are so right, my friend. Every time I hear his favorite bad, I have a huge smile on my face. I love those memories. I do hate it when people tell me it will get better...its been over a decade and it still hurts.
DeleteThis one hits pretty close. You know that my Grandma passed, what she meant (and will always mean) to me and who I am as a person, and just what losing her has felt like. There are certain songs that remind me of her. Memories that I have stored in my mind. Every letter she sent me, I have. Have a couple baby photos, and then her name tattooed on me. I'm nearing the end of year two, and honestly, it was rougher than year one. There are days where it feels like it's slowly catching up to me. Days where I feel like I'm losing pieces of myself. I try to handle it like I do my mood swings: the best I can as they happen. Loss certainly is awful. Her death was a subject I touched on in some of my poems. The fear of it since a young age, and what it would do to me. I guess it was my way of trying to rationalize the inevitable.
ReplyDeleteThe words you wrote are oh so true. While I don't speak much about that day, it is constantly with me, as my heart remains broken. But the memories of our time together, make me laugh and smile. She was an amazing woman, and I know that within nature, she is always with me.